Hardest Thing
by hereford cow
Summary: The second hardest thing for me in this world is to love Harry James Potter. The hardest, knowing that he’ll never love me back. (Ginny's letter to Harry)
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ginny Weasley or Harry Potter. I do not own the quote "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it" either, it's from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

**Dedications: **I dedicate this to Sinead who is now my new beta, because Tarni (yes, that annoying person I **always** dedicate my stories too) sucks at editing on time!** xoxo**

**Author's Notes:** I'll talk more at the end!

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_Dear Harry,_

_I love you._

_I always have and I always will._

_There has never been a time in my life that I haven't loved you, and I doubt there ever will be._

_Harry, since I first heard your name, my heart was set. I would beg my mum to tell me your story just one more time, beg daddy to show me your picture, beg God for a chance to meet you, let alone be yours._

_For at the age of two, you were my Prince Charming._

_At the age of eleven, you were my knight in shining armour._

_At the age of thirteen, you were my infatuation._

_At the age of fifteen, you are my world, my love, my life, my everything._

_Words could not describe the feelings I have for you. And Harry, words couldn't describe the pain I live through every day because of this. _

_Someone once said that the hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it. _

_Well Harry, I understand what they mean now because_

_The second hardest thing for me to do in this world is to love you._

_The hardest, knowing that you'll never love me back._

_Harry, I pray to be yours, I pray for you to love me the way I love you._

_But these prayers go unanswered like so many before them. _

_Harry, I know you could never love me, because I'm your best friend's sister, practically your very own sister. _

_I can't live that way any more Harry. I need your love. I can't survive knowing that there will never be a hope for me. That is why I have to do this._

_Tell my family I love them with all my heart. Help them to be strong, for they will need your help above all others._

_Live life for me, Harry, you have the strength that so many are envious of. Fight your battles, never regret anything, and love with all your heart. You were meant for great things, do them._

_Harry Potter, the name we raised our glasses to daily._

_Harry Potter, the name whispered by the fireplace late at night._

_Harry Potter, the boy that my world revolves around._

_I love you and always will, Harry._

_Ginny_

_xx_

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**Author's Notes: **Ok, well if you havent guessed I'm implying that Ginny either commited sucide or did something really, really drastic.....review and tell me what you think I should do! Review and tell me if I should add more chapters or keep as a one-shot (like I originally planned!)

One last thing.....REVIEW PLEASE!


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer:** Ok, any thing you recognise i dont own...sweet!

**Dedications:** Ok, this is dedicated to my familyvicky, smij, cate, bekky, sinead, bekky again, and again, bekky beaver, the fuzz, hannah, channy, franny, cindy, rissa, ivana, nat, bekky,cindy, all the new year 8s, 9s and 10s, kimmy, ellen, daphne, jessie and any one else except for gemma and tarni.

**Author's Note:** ok, i am trying my best to nudge it towards a harry/ginny shudders but it is SO hard! please review for me, or else i wont be able to continue it in that direction! Oh, and bekky says hi

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**Harry looked up from the crumpled letter, shivering with a mixture of fear and disbelief. He reread it to ensure what his heart was telling him. Ron looked over from his bed, frowning at his friend's concerned face, before pulling his t-shirt over his head. Harry's eyes scanned certain phrases. 

'_I can't live that way any more Harry. I need your love. I can't survive knowing that there will never be a hope for me. That is why I have to do this.'_

'_Tell my family I love them with all my heart. Help them to be strong, for they will need your help above all others.'_

'Live life for me, Harry, you have the strength that so many are envious of. Fight your battles, never regret anything, and love with all your heart. You were meant for great things, do them.'

"What's wrong?"

"I have to go," Harry blurted, grabbing his wand, before shoving it thoughtlessly into his pocket as he stood up.

"Why?" Ron asked, blocking the door.

"I can't tell you, but it's very important," Harry snapped, trying to dodge past his friend.

"Oh, important, hey?" Ron asked, raising one eyebrow as he folded his arms, "It can't be that important if you can't tell me, your best friend," he pouted. Harry's patience was decreasing rapidly.

"No," Harry sighed, pushing his friend out of the way, walking past him, shouting over his shoulder, "It's the complete opposite. Mate, you'll thank me later." And with that, Harry ran down the stairs, through the busy common room and to the only place where Ginny could be. The lake.

"Hey Theo," Ginny whispered, her fingers outstretched, carefully stroking the school owl's dark feathers; "Did he get it?" The owl bobbed his head. Ginny smiled weakly, 'I'm gonna miss you Theo' she thought, submerging into the cool, clear waters, that were slowly becoming more and more red as her blood trickled into the deep lake.

"Oh, Theo, I wish it would hurry up," her voice trailed off, she took another deep breath, "I can't bear the wait," The red head sunk under water again, floating slowly up to the surface, unconscious.

Whilst Theo laid down beside his best friend, Harry was running through the large school, out into the gardens. He was frantic shouting out Ginny's name, when suddenly he stopped.

From several metres away, he could see only red. His heart beat faster and stronger as possibilities and what 'if's' over came all the sensible thoughts in his head.

The owl sat up, hooting his encouragement as Harry waded into the chilly waters, his robes floating behind him on the surface.

"Ginny?" Harry called out, reaching her. She didn't reply. He carefully slid his hands under her frail body, taking her out of the now red water. He lay her down beside Theo, who started nuzzling the red head, "Ginny, wake up," Harry pleaded, "I'm here, wake up, please, I'm here."

Ginny spluttered, bringing a rush of relief to Harry. He a placed simple healing spell on the deep gashes on each wrist, before carefully taking the fragile girl to the school.

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**AN: **Ok, you dudes know the deal, please review! mwah 


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the magic that is Hary Potter, I only own this story line so dont sue!

**Dedications:** I dedicate this to all my friends...to many to list and such little time!

**Author's Notes:** Ok, you really should be proud! I am trying my hardest, you seriously dont know how hard it is for me to do this! But, i've got to keep my fans happy! lol!

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"Madame Pomfrey?" Harry yelled, disturbing a sleeping first year, who scowled and turned over in his bed. The old nurse came running out of her office, clutching her robe, as Harry laid the limp girl down onto an empty bed. 

"Mr Potter, what happened?" she asked, assessing her new patient, tutting as she looked at Ginny's red wrists.

"Um…tried to kill herself," Harry muttered, just loud enough for Madame Pomfrey to hear.

"And why would such a lovely, happy girl do that?" She fussed, almost to herself, removing Harry's simple healing spells and replacing them with her own. Harry tried to look away, unsuccessfully. He shut his eyes, to no avail, still seeing the red stained sheets.

"Um…because of me," Harry whispered, the nurse looked up at him, then back to Ginny who moaned, almost on queue.

"Miss Weasley, try not to move, you're in the infirmary. Mr Potter here seemed to have saved your live," Madame Pomfrey turned to look at Harry, Ginny glared up at him too, "It seems you will have to stay the night too, seeing as you've lost a lot of blood. Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster will have to be informed, and I'm sure they'll come and see you tomorrow about telling your parents," Ginny's eyes blazed red, as she imagined her mother's reaction, "Don't stay too long, Mr Potter, Miss Weasley will need her rest." And with that, the nurse turned on her heel, leaving the two alone.

Harry sat down quietly on the chair beside the bed, Ginny looked away angrily. He sighed, running his still shaking hand through his dark hair.

"Why?" Harry finally asked, after several minutes of painful silence. Ginny turned her head, and stared accusing back at the man she loved.

"You read the letter, Harry. Don't play dumb." She snapped.

"But why? Why didn't you come to me, tell me this," Harry broke off.

"Why? You seriously ask me why? How could I, Harry, Ron and Hermione never leave your side, and even if I did, you'd just laugh me off. I mean, I'm your best friend's younger sister."

"But Ginny," Harry sighed, incapable of words.

"Harry, you don't love me, what kind of world is there when you can never love me back." Ginny whispered, locks of her hair falling in front of her face. Harry moved forward, brushing the stray hair out of the way.

"Oh, but Ginny I do love you," Harry started as quietly as Ginny's whispers.

"I know, but you love me as a sister. I can't live like that," and with that she looked away, tears beginning to run down her pale cheeks, Harry leaned back in his chair, hand over his mouth, "Go Harry. Go, please." Ginny broke off, her hand wiping the tears stubbornly from her face.

"Ok, but I'm coming back later," Harry stood up, "Do you want me to tell Ron?

"No, please, anything but that. Make up an excuse for me, please, tell him I'm having a reaction to something from Herbology and Madame Pomfrey says he can't come and visit me. Tell Hermione the truth. But tell only her," Ginny looked straight into Harry's eyes, who blinked, as he was flooded with all the emotions the young Weasley girl was feeling.

Harry nodded, leaning into give Ginny a gentle kiss on her pale cheek. Her hand went to the spot, as he left the Infirmary, a letter in his pocket, blood on his hands and his heart pounding for a reason oblivious to Harry.

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**YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! PLEASE REVIEW! **


	4. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the magic that is Hary Potter, I only own this story line so dont sue!

**Dedications:** I dedicate this to the people who have this story in their favourites! I am so sorry for keeping y'all waiting and I hope that it was worth the wait! Once again, very sorry!

**Author's Notes:** So school and life has finally caught up with me and I've been very naughty and haven't written in a very long time. Hopefully when I get a USB I'll start writing more…so watch this space!

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Harry trailed into the Gryffindor common room, which for once was empty, well except for one curly haired girl sitting in the corner, nose in a large book. Hermione looked up as the portrait swung shut, Harry looked awful. She carefully shut the book, placing it on the table before running over to him. Cupping his face in her hands, she made him look at her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, a small crease forming in the centre of her forehead.

"Ginny. She … she …" Harry tried to tell her, he did, but the words just didn't seem to come out.

"She what, Harry?" she asked worriedly, leading him to sit down on the couch. When they sat down, she asked again, "What happened?"

"She sent me a letter and then …" he started, fumbling around in his pocket for her letter. Reaching it out with trembling hands and passing it to Hermione, who let go of him and took the letter. After quickly reading through it, she let it drop to her lap. Her face turning pale as she slowly realized what had happened.

She threw her arms around Harry, nuzzling her face into his shoulder, hiding.

"I got there just in time. If I was any later … I … she would have been dead. And it's all because of me. Mi, she was just lying there. The water … her blood …" he couldn't even finish his sentence. He was in shock. And every time he closed his eyes, that horrifying mass of red haunted him. Because of him, Ginny had tried to kill herself. Because of him.

Hermione sniffed and pulled her head back, looking into Harry's green eyes. "She's ok?"

"She lost a lot of blood. But I dunno …" Harry mumbled. Hermione nodded once.

"I need to talk to her. Does she want Ron to know?" Harry shook his head, and Hermione continued, "Right, well your going to lie down. You look terrible." She stood up, entering her super organized mode. Harry stood up after her and allowed her to take him up the stairs to his dorm and to his bed. Luckily for the both of them, Ron had left, and the room was deserted.

Hermione tucked Harry into the bed, kissing the middle of his forehead like a mother would her child. "I'll come see you later. Stay here. If Ron asks, say you're not well or just pretend to be asleep. He won't bother you then." And before Harry could object or thank her, she had left the dorm, running down to the Infirmary and to Ginny.

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Ginny looked up at the noise of someone running into the Infirmary. When she saw Hermione, looking as pale as she was herself, her heart sunk. Her best friend knew, and that made her feel ashamed and dirty.

"Oh Ginny," Hermione sobbed, hugging her friend, her tears finally falling, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Ginny left her arms limp by her sides, waiting for Hermione to sit down on the cold chair by her bed. When the older girl was sitting, she cleared her throat, her voice weak from it all.

"I couldn't tell you. I just couldn't. I tried to so many times. But every time, something would come up. I tried to." She said, the last three words a whisper. This caused more sobs, more tears from her friend, who reached out and took her hand.

"I am so sorry. I, oh god, Ginny." She hid her face in her other hand. It hurt Ginny to see her friend cry like that and she held out her arms for her. Seeing this, Hermione stood back up and hugged the small and fragile Weasley, crying into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

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**REVIEW PLEASE! YOUR COMMENTS MEAN THERE WILL BE ANOTHER CHAPTER...SO PRESS THAT BUTTON!**


	5. Chapter Five

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**Disclaimer: **Blah blah blah I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated. I merely own this story!

**Dedications:** To Ris-Ris and Jack-Jack. Can't wait for my wedding invitation!

**Author's Notes:** Ok, so last night spurred me into updating some more! And knowing that so many people have already read through my story well…that helps too! This story is only for those people, especially those Harry/Ginny shippers shudders at thought because if it were up to me I would not have even attempted to write a H/G fic.

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Harry sat up straight in his bed, forehead caked in sweat. His sleep was haunted by Ginny's lifeless form once more. This time however, instead of lying back down and trying to sleep once more, he reached for his glasses that were on his bedside table. Once they were on, and his vision was restored, Harry looked around the dorm, checking each of the beds for a sleeping figure.

When he was sure that each bed had their owner all tucked up, he stood up, slipping his feet into his slippers before sneaking out of the Gryffindor tower and through the cold, deserted hallways towards the Infirmary. Luckily for him, all the professors were in bed, or if any where awake, were patrolling different hallways, so Harry's journey was uninterrupted.

When he reached the hospital wing, he opened the large door wide enough for him to see straight down the long room. All the lights were dimmed, and the light's in Madame Pomfrey's office were all off. Silently he padded over to the only occupied bed, Ginny's bed. Two people, however, were lying on the thin hospital bed, arms around each other lazily, eyes puffy and cheeks stained by their tears. Harry looked down at his watch. It was quarter to two. Carefully he tapped Hermione on the shoulder and whispered her name. The girl's eyes opened and she made a small noise as her eyes readjusted to the lights.

"Harry? Is that you? What time is it?" she sat up slightly, looking around the room in fear that she had slept in, but when realizing it was still dark she looked back at her friend.

"It's nearly two. I couldn't sleep," he paused, looking across at Ginny who was fast asleep, "You should go to bed," he said quietly, looking back at Hermione, "I'll stay here."

Hermione nodded once, understanding her friend's need to be with Ginny, even if he didn't. She turned back to Ginny and planted a soft kiss in the middle of her forehead before carefully untangling herself from Ginny's bandaged arms. She stood up and walked to where Harry stood, turning back to look at their friend. She put a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "She's hurting, Harry."

Harry swallowed and nodded, he knew. He knew because he was the one that caused her pain. Hermione continued, "But she'll be ok, because she has you." She stood on her tiptoes and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek before leaving him alone with Ginny.

Ginny stirred at the loss of her friend's arms around her and Harry did the only thing he knew what to do and climbed onto the bed, taking Hermione's spot, wrapping his arms around her exhausted body.

"It'll be ok."

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**Author's Notes: **All together now...one...two...three...AW!


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